Day 34

Found myself awake in the dark hours of the morning, tossing and turning in a sort of partial dream state. Old guilts, anxieties, doubts and other ghosts from my past came creeping out of the shadows. These haunts served to remind me of all the many ways I have messed up, how I don't measure up, and how little I have accomplished.

There was a part of me, many years ago, that associated this kind of guilt with God- As though that was the way He intended to make me feel when I had done something wrong, in order to straighten my path. Of course, this created in me a sort of resentful obedience (and eventually rebellion) toward/from God; an unhealthy duality.

Years later, thankfully, I am growing to understand the grace that God gives us, and that there is no condemnation in His love. But every so often, I struggle with these attacks of doubt and guilt. When I woke this morning, glad to see the sun coming up, I read this:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

My God is the complete opposition to the shifting shadows I was experiencing this morning. I am so grateful to be loved by a consistent God of life, light and Truth!

Our pear tree is blooming! Yay for spring!